When might be right the time to open up and share your story?
Why would anyone want to share their story?
What good could come for sharing our stories?
These are all great question which have intrigued me for a few years now. My journey with murder suicide has been a long one and full of a range of emotions. I now can look back on my loss and hopefully use my experiences as a healing process for my own health and make it public to help many other loss survivors in some way.
My Loss, which occurred on August 10, 1990, was the darkest period of my life and profoundly changed me, and sadly to say not for the better. I say this, not to scare others but more to educate that there is always the ability to change to turn pain into positivity.
I had so many years of living in silence and overwhelming anxiety and just waiting for time to move on. It couldn’t come fast enough for me. I believed time away from my tragedy would lessen the pain. Well, this was a belief I held on to, but eventually came to realize the pain never truly leaves and my loss is forever a part of who I now am. I had believed the saying; “time heals all wounds". Now I know this to be untrue. It will soften the loss and leave a scar in your heart forever. Learning and understanding that, we just need to discover a new normal to life and embrace that with an open heart.
My Life after my loss was very empty and lonely. I could not find a support network to fill the void I had. At my 30-year mark, I searched again for a murder suicide loss support group.
Finding this group and a community of loss survivors was a true spiritual moment for me. I had come to realize after many years, I needed to find my people and share my story and offer a beacon of hope and a safe place to no longer feel isolated in grief. As we speak about our grief, it is necessary to understand the emotions of murder suicide and how it affects the family and friends of the ones lost.
I knew it was my quest or possibly my destiny to become public in my story. For others that have searched for the right place to feel safe in sharing their story, being public may not be the right thing to do for them. We each have our own journey and need to find what’s right for ourselves.
This is my reason for sharing my story. We all have different feelings, and it might not be right for others to be public with their loss.
In a support group, my hope is to just find a safe space to share and understand you are not alone in your loss.
For me, I have the need to give hope to others and share my life.
I have found the ability to almost leave my physical body and rise above my emotions and share hope. I am not sure why this is or where it comes from. I know I don’t really ask that question; I just do what I feel is right.
Mitch Maryanov. (Murder suicide loss survivor)
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